Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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