i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
