I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
