it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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