So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
