quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
