Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
