my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
