No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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