we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
