guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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