If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
