I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
