ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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