The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
