There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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