life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
