Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
