Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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