how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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