At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
