It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
