Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
