just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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