I'm gonna have a badass scar
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
