i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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