i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
