im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I don't want my vagina anymore.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
