I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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