you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
