from now on my penis is your penis
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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