and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
