no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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