Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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