Your dad touched me again.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
