Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
