I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just pee around me
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
