There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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