lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
