Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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