There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My breasts were aching with rage.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
