we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
