just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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