it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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