if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
