She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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