I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
