i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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