I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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