Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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