Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
In other news, I just burned my penis
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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