ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
