Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
